Single tip for auntie gymmers:
- It's completely reasonable to feel the injustice of it all when a woman half your size comes to gym everyday (she's your daughter's age and works out twice as hard as you do, but that's irrelevant, isnt it). But auntie, whatever you do DON'T tell her to stop coming to the gym because you think She Doesn't Need It. She might just turn around and confirm your worst fears: Women your daughter's age don't work out to fit into their clothes. They do it to look fan-fucking-tastic in bed.
More importantly,
Tips for male gymmers:
1. Empirical study has proven that Breasts Move. Get over it. Focus on your work out.
2. Stop posing. Start working out. That dream body of yours isn't going to materialise in the mirror if all you do is stand with your chest out and cock your head at different angles to look at yourself.
3. Wear a ganji if you have to, but DON'T wear a
banian under a t-shirt and then make a big show of peeling off the sweaty top layer to work out in, what technically is, your underwear. Not only does it blow a nausea-inducing wave of BO, carried forth by the breeze from the AC that you're perennially glued to, it also tests one's gag reflexes at the sight of your unshaven armpits. It's not enough to want to look good naked in bed. Don't forget that u'll never get there if you look and smell like a hairy ogre.
3. Wear a deodorant. It's polite, if not sexy. All those news clippings on the World page saying Research Shows Women Like Smell of Male Sweat, were about women who live the States or UK, where people like working out not because it's good for them, but because
it keeps them warm. There's no way you're gonna get a fellow woman gymmer in bed if you create the landscape of a packed-beyond-belief-in-peak summer DTC bus in all its sensory tangible gory-ness every time you do an overhead tricep extension.
4. Don't compete with the person on the next treadmill, just because she's a woman. While you were busy ogling at yourself all these months, she'd been running steadily on the treadmill everyday. When you shoot up the speed as soon as she's begun running (I understand you took a moment out before, to ogle at her breasts), you're most likely to start wheezing and collapse on a potentially dangerous, fast-moving treadmill. No, it's untrue that such an incident has no chances of damaging your nether regions for life.
5. Last pearlie of weary wisdom: STOP FIDDLING WITH YOUR CELLPHONE!
